01 June 2015


Proof. We are all looking for it, perhaps without even realizing. We are meaning-making and meaning-seeking machines. Looking not only for proof of the existence of things like God, love, and magic, but also seeking proof that things about ourselves are true. We want confirmation that we are lovable, valuable, smart, beautiful, desirable, responsible, trustworthy... hire-able, datable, wedd-able. 

Conversely, maybe we feel so inadequate that we seek proof of that - evidence that we aren't good enough or that we aren't lovable. Sometimes the programming can run so deep, that even when we have stacked up a pile of proof, one way or the other, we are still unsatisfied and unable to internalize the belief, positive or negative.

Our world is set up today such that everyone wants proof - it's expected, and easily at our fingertips. We can Google search just about any fact and come back with a heap of proof, scientific or opinion-based. Or, you can post a picture or question on social media, polling friends and family, and feign your own conclusion.

The problem with proof-gathering around things like our value and our worth, is that we are seeking answers outside of ourselves for things that are 100% contingent upon our own beliefs about ourselves. We can spend our whole lives spinning our wheels in hopes that just the right external factor (person, job, house, or car) will make us feel good enough to prove that our lives are worth treasuring, seizing, and living, or not. But your value is not about what you do or who you impress (external things). It's about who you are (internal). Who you are inherently cannot be earned, won, or given to you. It's something that we must come to know and embrace as Truth in ourselves.

For myself, especially being in a time of transition with my career and waiting on someone else's greenlight, I notice how easily I can give up my power and feel so desperate for validation and the approval of someone else. I've been in a state of SO wanting a job or project to come along and make me feel important and cherished. We all do it. We read into things and project our insecurities onto brand new situations or relationships, desperate to relieve ourselves from "not knowing" or feeling inadequate. We want answers, affirmation, and clear cut next steps. We want to know that we are on a path and going somewhere. We want to feel like our lives have meaning and that our talents are valued and being put to use.

But here's the thing! Instead of waiting for the potential employer or suitor to call us with an offer that will make us feel worthy, we can choose to possess the state already, such that no matter which way the situation goes, we don't lose anything. We may gain something (a job, salary, friend, house, date, etc.), and that's nice. But when you possess the state of what you want, nothing can give or take it away from you. If we can allow ourselves to live from a place of being good enough and loved and adored and valued before we even put ourselves out there, we can walk away from any situation, like a job interview or a date, still feeling just as good as when we walked in.

How do you possess the state of being wonderful and worthy? It comes from stripping away your fears and their respective 'proofs' that you have internalized. This release typically means going back to the source - the time and place where the limiting belief was born. It's amazing how an idea formed when you are, say, 7 years old can grow and fester, seeping into your adult life. When not tended to or quickly proven 'wrong' when we are young and vulnerable, the limiting belief becomes stuck on loop and automatically affects our life choices and subsequently formed beliefs. All your life, you collect proof that this belief (e.g. I am always at the mercy of someone else's decisions; or Men can't be trusted; or I'm an idiot) is true, unless you can shine a light on it and release its hold on you. In trance, or even in a self-administered meditative state, it's possible not only to uncover your fears and limiting beliefs, but also to discover their births and subsequently uproot their existence (and, therefore, power) in your life. (Feel free to ask me for contact info for my Los Angeles-based hypnotherapist - he's been such an incredible teacher and guide for me.)

I wrote out the below reminder to myself after a recent session and have vowed to make it my creed. Take time to hold yourself accountable and create your own manifesto. It doesn't have to be super organized or succinct. It only has to make sense to you. It can be a stream of consciousness, like mine, and something that you can revisit to update later as you evolve. Take your power back by setting 'the story' straight. Everyone's will be different based on their own triggers, fears, and desires. Get clear about yours and create a mantra that you can post up somewhere you'll pause to read often, like your bathroom mirror or your car dashboard. Read it aloud and feel its Truth. Commit it to memory and allow your mind (and body, which will soon catch up) to automate it. Here's mine as of late:

"I release the idea that I have something to prove... the idea that I'm only 'doing enough' and 'succeeding' if I'm proving it, or if people are pleased with me. Instead of running from the idea that I'm not doing enough and straining myself to prove that I am thoughtful, responsible, and valuable... I decide to embrace the Truth that I am kind, a hard worker, and that I am capable. I live from a place of knowing that I always do my best, and I know that I don't have to do everything I desire all at once. I approach things one at a time, with the clarity and power to address anything. I have compassion, love, and empathy for others, and never at the expense of loving and trusting myself and my own worth. I am capable! No one or thing can tell me otherwise or give me something that can prove it one way or the other. I already posses the state. Every moment I show up with this Truth, I am successful!"

The way to truly integrate these learnings is to automate them. Think about how you can fold laundry and talk on the phone at the same time; the laundry-folding is automated such that you don't even have to think about it. Or think about how you can drive to work every day without actively thinking about each turn. Automation is a powerful thing, especially if you use it to integrate things like your power and worth. You have to make up your mind that you are indeed capable and hard-working and loved and creative - whatever your mantra is. REALLY believe it, like it's part of your DNA. (Chances are, if you are wanting it, it's already part of you.) And suddenly you start living your life from that place of deep knowing, instead of from a place of trying to prove the opposite wrong.

Are you living your life from a place of needing to prove something/one right or wrong? Or are you instead in the powerful position of living out your CAPITAL-T Truths? You choose.