I've heard all of these quotes about self love and how it's an enabler for loving other people and for receiving love from others. But over the last week, this message has really resonated with me. I'm feeling it's reality and learning about the truth it holds.
No matter how many things I buy or nights I go out, if I don't prioritize taking care of my heart and my mind, I suffer. And so does my ability to love myself... and therefore, love others. Of course, going out with friends and treating myself to things is nice and comforting. But it's easy to use such things to avoid confronting the silence and tapping into my intuition. Sometimes it's scary to sit in a grassy field alone and check in with yourself. Just sit with the sun on your skin and ask what you're feeling. Quiet all of the to-do lists and the expectations you have. And just be. I did this on Sunday, and a lot came up.
I've been largely unaware of a scar that I've worn for years. I've brought it into relationships unknowingly. And only within the last couple days have I noticed this scar and realized the impact it has had... and still has. Part of loving myself is going to be learning how to heal my scar through a new perspective. I must get help and learn how to let go of the meanings I attached to it. I didn't even realize how many stories about myself and my worthiness live in that scar...
I'm looking forward to digging into the past and healing the resentment and pain I've been holding onto. I know it will be a beautiful release. I also know that this will be emotionally trying and that the process may bring up other issues I wasn't aware of. But I want to get "better" and I want to be able to love myself fully so that I can truly wear an open heart free of any past hurt. I don't want to bring my scar into relationships anymore. It's time to confront it.
Think about what you may be holding onto... suppressing it with distractions and quick-fixes. Confront those emotions, the past. Whatever it takes to be at peace with it. Think about what stories you have created about yourself and your ability to give or receive love. Help is available. But you must ask for it.