Last night I was restless. I woke up at 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep. My heart was racing and I felt like someone was trying to break into my place. I became very alert and sat up for what felt like an hour. I eventually drifted back to sleep, but I awoke to my alarm feeling groggy and exhausted.
I know that feeling. I know it well. I usually get that way when I'm holding onto expectations or when I'm living dishonestly (meaning, not being true to myself). I didn't realize until this evening that I was so far removed from my morals in some of my actions lately. I have been playing by selfish rules and expecting SO much that the Universe keeps slapping me with harsh warnings.
First a restless night. Then a $63 parking ticket. Then a money-mongering letter from the IRS. Then an unexpected medical bill. Then a rough, distracted yoga class. Oh, and this all happened within <24 hours.
...oh yeah, and just a couple days ago, the Universe took my phone away from me. That stupid color-coded LED light on my Blackberry did nothing but tempt me with expectations. Pink - email. I hope it's from X. Green - text message. Oh, maybe it's Y.
I've been focusing on the wrong things this month. My horoscope shouted loud and clear that my attention should be on my career. And there are many signs that show I have lots to be excited about and dialed into at work. Yet I have chosen to invest so much of my time and my emotions into empty possibilities. EXPECTATIONS. They straight up suck the joy right out of life! And the Universe punishes us harshly when we try to override its chosen course for us. Boy, have I been feeling that.
Tonight I am choosing to surrender my expectations and let the Universe guide me. I am going to listen to the planets. Within the next couple days, Uranus is going to be belligerent (especially to Aquarians). And then we have an insane full moon at the end of the month that will challenge us all. The last thing I need is more odds stacked against me. Peace of mind overcomes those who can surrender, and those who "process life as it is, rather than as they think it should be."