12 May 2012


Why does it feel so much easier to swallow our pain or shove discomfort aside than to face those challenges head on? Sometimes I pretend like something that is bothering me doesn't really exist or just procrastinate confronting it because I'm afraid. Afraid of what? Hurting someone's feeling, how something will be received, mustering up courage, being vulnerable, having boundaries... I could go on and on about the things I fear that hold me back from confronting issues. But the more things I try to ignore, and the more little peripheral projects I focus on to distract myself, the CRAZIER I feel. 

I recently had a night of BERSERK emotions that I couldn't figure out. I had had a wonderful day at work and was feeling pretty productive. But all the sudden, something came over me and I was plain UPSET. Mad at myself, crying, feeling like I wanted to cancel plans and mope. This all came out of left field and I was baffled that I was feeling so upset, so suddenly. It wasn't until a day later that I realized this explosion of emotions was caused by my suppressing too much. I hadn't experience that for a few months, so it was hard to put my finger on at first. But it felt good to recognize it and remember that I was in control of the cause of such outbursts. 

After years of emotional roller coasters, learning how to love and accept myself, seeing the world through different eyes, discovering what it means to trust the Universe... I feel more resilient and inspired, but recognize that I (like everyone else) am still susceptible to self-induced challenges, like the one I experienced the other day. Although I started this post with a question that seemed pretty valid and relatable, I want to turn it completely backwards. Now that I know what it really means to face fear, anger, discomfort, disagreement, challenge... it's actually harder to not do so. I may trick myself for a week, thinking that I have more room to cram my discomforts into. But there IS a breaking point when I have a moment of self awareness and can call my own bluff. At that point, in all honesty, I feel a bit disappointed in myself for getting to a point where I thought it was better to avoid or flee than confront. But I can't be upset for too long, because I'm already on my way to facing whatever it is I was running from. No longer does it feel good to pretend that doing something else to occupy my mind and time is the way to really make me feel good and accomplished. It's usually those more difficult things, like reaching out to a resistant relative, saying no to gossip, intervening when a friend is harming themselves, letting go of people who bring you down, that are what really feed our souls and lighten our spirits. NOT ignoring the glaring issues.

I hope that you feel encouraged and inspired to face whatever you might be holding back today. It is so much more freeing to let it go and confront it than it is to shuffle other things around in your life to make room for junk. It really is crap - it sure makes me feel crappy! Let go! Don't hold yourself back. The Universe is waiting for us to live and love fully, and we can't do that when we are constantly avoiding confronting our demons. So confront away! And maybe do some daily affirmations, like this cutie...

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