26 April 2012


I read something about emotions today that I wanted to tease out and share with all of you, as I think that it can act as a powerful learning and encouragement for us. Sometimes we just want to shut down and completely numb ourselves to the aching, anger, discomfort, we experience in life. We all have our own ways of anesthetizing ourselves and taking the edge off: alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, staying busy, sex, work, planning, constant change, perfectionism, and so forth. When you are decentered, or just not living wholeheartedly, gut reaction is to run away from the uncomfortable emotions and find a way to act like they don't exist. Here's the interesting thing about that:
"We cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions"
 Let that marinade. You can't pick that you will take a glob of joy, a sprinkle of inspiration, a dash of excitement, and ZERO pain. When you are numbed, you are unable to feel anything. Instead of running away from the trying emotions, we must learn to lean into the discomfort. We must stay aware and build resilience so that we can feel the love and joy just as intensely as the pain. 

We all, in big or small ways, have ways of taking the edge off. Those who are developed and committed to living wholeheartedly recognize their own tactics and try to get back to accepting whatever it is they are feeling and exploring that sensation. On the other hand, people who constantly and compulsively numb to the point of sacrificing their worthiness, boundaries, authenticity, and connection to the Universe - that is called addiction. 
"When we numb the dark, we numb the light." 
That's no way to live. Being open to feeling - to accepting the dark and light emotions as they come - that is called vulnerability. That is what I want. Being vulnerable is always what feels the best to me. It allows me to discover and connect with energies (people, places) that glow and ignite my light within. If I were to always counter my struggle for self-acceptance with exhausting perfectionistic tendencies or constantly staying busy, I would run myself into the ground and be 100% incapable of connecting to those light sources to I value being so drawn to and inspired by. I realize now that I lived a good portion of the last couple years doing exactly those things, wondering why I couldn't find that deep sense of inner peace and happiness I longed for. Instead, I must strengthen my ability to surrender those deflectors and maintain a pulse on my inner reality. It's okay to hurt and feel pain. It only means as much as we let it. It will pass... it always does. But you have to want it to, and that requires keeping the doorstop wedged in the passage way to our hearts. 


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